...And almost a year later....

And almost a year later, here I sit - on my still very large fat ass. I haven't done ANYTHING since I wrote that blog. Can I use the excuse I was on ambien when I wrote that blog? Ok, didn't think so.

I've ballooned even more since April. 278 was my weight a week ago. I'm currently at 275.5. I hardly consider 2.5 pounds any sort of weight loss, so I'm not even going to say I'm "down" to 275.5. How did this happen? No really - how did this happen? Besides the obvious answers... I have to ask myself, how could someone let themselves get to this size? HOW!?

I often wondered how people who were fat could live like that. I used to say to myself "Just put down the damn burger and get yourself a salad!" That takes a little something called will power - something that people who are hugely obese simply do not have. At least, I speak for myself, and I do not have willpower. Which is how I have found myself in this situation, essentially.

Almost a year later and I am UP in weight!? WTF is up with that!? Wasn't I supposed to be like, 50 pounds lighter by now!? With all that hard work and dedication I was going to put forth?

Pffffffffffftttt.

Willpower. No willpower.

Let me add something to the list of things that go wrong when you are enormously fat:
--- Your KNEES start to go bad.

This is one of those things that makes perfect sense. Of course your knees are bound to go bad after years of carrying around extra pounds. But I never thought it would happen to me (just as I thought getting this large would ever happen to me!!). But now I find that getting on my knees to do anything (get your mind out of the gutter, I mean LOOKING for things under couches, etc) - hurts like hell. It feels like I cracked my knee cap, and everytime I get on my knee the cracks get larger and spread out more.

So as a result, I have now resorted to asking my 4 year old son to look under the couch for me. I can still bend down and pick things up - but what, is that next!?



NO, I cannot let it be next!

Please GOD... please, anybody that has an extra prayer - please help me. I need help so bad. I know I've gotten myself into this mess, but I will do anything to get myself out of this mess!

Being fat, and staying fat, is a vicious cycle. It's a very difficult one to break. It's not as easy as "putting down the burger" - really, it's not. It might have been 100 pounds ago. But it's not that easy anymore.

So far I've done a few things that I am proud of (as little as it may sound to you, it's a big deal for me!)
1. No more ambien snacking. Anybody who takes ambien knows what I mean. I put locks on things now, and if I find that I MUST snack on something, it's only going to be a snack bag of carrots or a cucumber. Of course, if I can stick to this during the day, that would be great. But for now, I'm working the late-night snacking.

2. No more coca-cola! Coke is my addiction. I love it, and I need the caffeine. I've switched to diet coke, and I refuse to let any "regular" coke into my house again!! You figure a can of coke is 140 calories, and that's what, 16 oz? I can drink like 4 or 5 in a day. Now it's down to 0 calories. SO I'm saving myself a number of calories!

Ok, that's it for now.